Tuesday


The note left by the landlord said not to forget about her on the 25th.

The rent is late but I can’t forget my first apartment.

The sanctuary I created to combat the stillness, the fear of being alone.

It’s only Tuesday and I can’t forget why I chose to wake from the slumber of happily ever after.

I remember the corner of Priest and Elliot where the

River rock decorates the sewage drain.

I remember piecing together broken fragments, like glass,

As my heart let loose its final grip on the past.

I remember watching the parts of my dream fade as she wiped her nose

With an old, worn, yellow bandana.

I remember reading books stacked to the ceiling searching for truth

To find it always remained locked in a box, I lost the attic.

I remember pacing through fresh smelling carpets and unmarked walls.

Screaming at the void; hoping for an answer back to this riddle called existence.

I remember, dreaming of Cinderella at twenty-six years old

Only to find she never left the confines of her servitude at thirty-one.

I remember the spot beneath the pine tree

Just two feet from the river rock on the corner of Priest and Elliot.

I remembered there are three types of death; one for the body,

One for the soul and one for the heart and I chose.

I remember, rocking, my arms wrapped tightly around my knees.

Feeling my heart shudder its last beat, I waited.

Its only Tuesday and I remember,

The rent is due and I am still here.

-as seen published in Stars In Our Hearts by Rochelle Foulk

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Dear Dads, Fathers, and Men who donate Seeds,


Dear Dad, Fathers, and Men who donated seeds,

       This is a letter, from the Universe. As it is defined the universe is an everexpansive space which all things exist, inside of it live all the organisms of the earth and every other planet in this vast space. Perhaps more locally this is a letter to all men who have donated a piece of who they are to create a child, a gift to the universe. People are derived from two other people and in this, I the universe am addressing you.

       Dad, a term used to designate the male counterpart of conception of children.

Father, more formal term used to designate the male counterpart in the conception of children.

Men who donated seeds is a phrase to designate the biological aspect of the process of conception.

This means you, all of you, there is no male disregarded here, for even if you have not participated in the conception of a child you are capable.

     I, the Universe,  express my gratitude to you.  Thank you for your contribution to the world of people. Your invaluable donation is without pause a wonderous gift. Your ability to give life to the world is a gift. It is now time you start to act like it, instead of the indifferent, emotionally unavailable, stone crushing mentality of “men”. This mentality is not serving the world of children nor is it serving yourself. The injustice to your gifts is without gasp and awe, for in denying the vunerability of who you are, you then deny it in the hearts of the gifts you helped to create. Little children ,literally, look up to you and hear the pain in your voice,over time as they grow they believe your fears to be their own.

This is the gift all men, fathers, and dads have, the ability to lead by example and be the change in this world.

The use of language, physical beatings, psychological torture and non verbal communication create an energy field. This is a tangible feeling, especially to children. They are more intune with the energy fields around them because they have not hardened to feeling of the universal connection. The process of growing up, your interactions, directions and fears will create this. Your primary responsibility is to ensure they know who they really are, not who you EXPECT them to be.

Girls are not put into specific categories, roles based on their genitalia. This prohibits them from growing, connecting and being free. Boys are not meant to be “little” men or “big” boys, the expression of sadness, grief, or fear is being human. “Toughening”, conditioning and preparation limits there natural ability to nuture, love and express peace.

Your personal experiences in this world are the choices you created. Helping the children to see beyond your limitations is perhaps one of the single most important assignments you have been given. Instead you create these limitations for them based on your experience of living, this is in fact the opposite of what you are charged with. The assignment of children is to enhance and create in the world around them, to see beyond the limitations of the mind, to remember who they are and then implement change.

Your assignment is to give them the opportunity, encouragement, and support to do this.

In fact as a child you were also denied these glorious opportunities and so because it was done to you, the feeling is to ensure your children experience the same.

This is by far, the most atrocious crime you can commit, and there are no laws of men to dispel this behavior.

It is this behavior that continues to allow the following:

Molestation of children by family members, observing your world, your scientists, and research makers, the statistics report 1 in 4 women are sexually propositioned, molested, raped, and or verbally sexually assualted by the time they are 10 years old BY a member of their own family.

This list includes brothers, fathers, step-fathers, uncles, cousins, family friends, STRANGERS are by far the least possible, statistically speaking,  to be the perpetrators.

As this continues to happen a child, strong enough to find her voice, will speak against this violation, the family mentality, as I have observed is to ignore, blame, disect, and/or challenge the validity.

When/ where does the strength of a protector come into play here? If at 25 your daughter is being verbally harrassed by her uncle in a sexual manner, the same uncle who sexually assaulted your eldest, what is the reasoning behind doing nothing?

Why is it the women of the family discuss how to put it “past you”, “its over and done with”, “I cant do anything about it now”, or my personal favorite, “it happened to me too, and I turned out okay.”

Seriously, this idea that your children are punching bags, sexual playthings, and/or evidence of YOUR percieved mistake must stop. There are NO mistakes, none. Period, the end. YOU are killing your children from the inside and have taken no responsibility to nuture their well being.

I say it again, YOU are the gift until this world in creating a child. YOUR seed is, by design, part of the integral piece of making a life. YOUR assignment is to nuture, teach, set free, and ignite the passion within this child.

The glory of sex is a union by which you have been given, if you do not wish children then you can take advantage of numerous birth control and still enjoy the fruits of such an exchange. there is no reason for you to impregnate a woman and then leave because “its not your problem” , “your too young to have a child”.

This is the cycle and the abuse goes far beyond physical sexual violations. I have witnessed men beating their children, with belts, fists, two by fours, hoses, books, wooden spoons, sticks, and numerous other devices for acts of defiance, existing, lying, peeing in their pants, being fearful, uncertain, failing a test, speaking, spilling milk, not getting homework done, asking for food, stealing, the list here extends infinitelyl.

The absolute worse offense is indifference and psychological torture. The cries of the children across the world rise up to drown out the offenses and you still can not hear them. Allow me to illuminate your awareness, because you can heal this. YOU have the power to change this world, you were created to protect, to build, to love, to energize, to move this world. YOU are endowed with the insight of beauty beyond imagination. You have forgotten who you are and thus wreak havoc upon those percieved as weaker.

Your thoughts of ownership, control and privelege extend beyond the borders of truth, for you have never owned anything. Ownership is a world created to establish control over others. Your need to feel superior separates you from the truth of real freedom. IT is a fear based idea, one you have been taught and continue to teach. You have forgotten the beauty of your soul.

In the place of who you really are you have sought to harm other people, rape, murder, own,terrorize, molest, beat, verbally assault, kill, and enslave in the name of control, superiority, God, and being “right”.

Such acts against children, people, nations have wrought the devastation of humanity.

As the co-creators of children, your gifts I have given you and your ability to literally move mountains you have the opportunity, nay the internal drive to create. By these gifts, you are not only responsible, but you are charged with the healing of the world. For only you can change from within to better the world around you.
ONLY you can make that change and only within yourself.

Here is where you remember who you are;

 

 

You are the father of the children, the world, the universe.

with love and adoration,
Me
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Relationships


Dear Me,

   Why do I pull from people who ‘lean’ in, seeming to ask for answers to questions about themselves? Also seeking validation for their choices or the undefined choices? What are undefined choices?

I wonder about relationships, sexual identity, emotions, and outside people.

I pull from these people because their neediness feels like a vacuum that seeks to pull from me. It is not loving to myself to allow the pulling or sucking.

 

How do I give a codependant back to themselves?

By not giving myself to them… First I become aware of these behaviors in others. The spiritual axiom tells me that this is how I see myself. The reflection of my actions and behaviors in another, this is the crossroads the soul meets in their lifetime. The choice is of two roads, such as Robert Frost describes. The one most travelled is the social constructs built into my environment growing up. Ideas of what a family is, what friends are, roles in relationships all defined through media, books, people, experiences and thoughts.

The road less travelled would constitute stepping away from these constructs and seeking the voice within, the god voice that lives in my heart. Here, when I am still I can hear where I am going.

Taking that road, the one less travelled, has made all the difference.

I love you,

Me

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Dear Universe,


Today I am here, a bit uncertain and somewhat ambigous to the happenings in my life. So I sought books, I have read and re-read many great authors. Seeking clarity as the song says….

Now I embark on a different journey. The one that Neale Walsch talks about in his book Conversations with God.

If I do not go

 within

I

will go

without.

Thank you for the guidance and the courage to reach further than I have ever dreamed. Thank you for the countless people I will reach who struggle too with finding their truth and their path.

May we always traverse this universe together.

Always,

Me

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