Dear Universe

I am somewhat at a loss with my mother, well both of my parents feel the same way about the homosexual lifestyle. Their stance is they love me, don’t agree with the lifestyle and believe it to be wrong. Yet they have met my wife, allowed her to stay on their property and become apart of their lives. She even plays facebook games and chats with my mother. I am truly grateful they have accepted her as a person instead of a an issue. Recently however I ran into a person who blatantly went postal on me (verbally) due to my current lifestyle. (please note I use terms like lifestyle and orientation as a means of communication, I do not hold true to the “choice” or any other doctrine that suggests I am different based on who I sleep with.). At any rate this man proceeded to quote the bible, spouting words like Satan’s work is being done here. The good word of god will prevail, etc, etc… etc. I was shaken because I hadn’t ran into such blatant hostility. After overcoming my anger I reported him to the park managers for the swap meet. My wife, however was livid and posted to her facebook page and talked with her friends group there about the situation. This is her way of dealing with the feelings. My mother who is her friend saw the post and wrote to me in our private group. Her words were odd, contradictory. Here is what she said. -Just read Aleshia’s post. I am sorry you had that happen to you. No, you are not an abomination and “christian” people would not behave that way. So you know not everyone will agree with your choices, but they are that, your choices. Not theirs. I am not suggesting that you change, but I am suggesting that you stop bringing it to the attention to everyone as you go about your daily life. It is not anyone else’s business, but when you bring it up, slap em in the face with it, gotta expect some are going to react and react negatively. I do not agree with that reaction especially being so called christian. If you just acted interested in the item, without the narrative of why and who behind it, it would not have occurred and it really was not the point. You and Aleshia are a couple. Do not give people the chance to expound on it. It is not their choice and it has no bearing on being a consumer in their place of business. I hope you get what I am trying to say. I do not agree with the lifestyle, either, but I do have compassion for humans and understand not all of us are the same with the same desires. I do not believe in a God that is also not compassionate. So, do not let the zealot upset you. Do not hate, release and show christian compassion and turn the other cheek. The love you give, will be given back three fold. Right?- While I appreciated her concern I felt as though she condoned me for not hiding. Am I alone here? Do other people experience this dichotomy with their families?

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Dear Christmas

Today I found myself looking around and realized there is no tree up, no lights hung from the eaves, and no presents wrapped for the morning frenzy. I didn’t stand in line for the latest gadgets or spend a hundred dollars on wrapping paper and tape. This year we didn’t seek to embellish in the ordinary traditions. I sincerely hope you are not offended as we are striving to find a real meaning to your tradition beyond the  commercialization Christmas.
I want you to know that in the past I have done all these things, even yelling at the string of lights which twist and tangle. I have followed normal protocols in shopping, cards, and baking. And every year I am even more exhausted by time the day comes.
We are taking a stand for christmas this year and creating a different ideal. Less stuff to fill closets and more laughter, love, and handmade food. We hope you understand, Christmas, and our relationship will dive deeper into the spirit of love.


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Dear Money


Money (Photo credit: 401(K) 2013)

Our relationship has its ups and downs, its true that sometimes you are there for me and other times you disappeared when I needed you most. If you were a person that treated me this way I would have cut you lose a long time ago. The problem is you aren’t a person, you are this thing, a piece of paper that I revere, pray for, curse and sometimes wonder if you do bring happiness or evil.

My aspirations for my life are mine, I work hard at creating them and living up to the potential I know I posess. Today, however I decided to take a good, long, hard look at my consistently depressing relationship with you, Money.  Then I did what all good students do, I researched who you were, where you came from, why you evolved into the paper you are today and what special ways do you perform, how to create more of you through test-tube babies, and some obscure article relating to corporate bailouts and increased taxes on small businesses.

You have had the history, my friend, and yet I noticed something very important through all my research.  You are the created image of my previous thoughts, desires and experiences, which I took from family, friends, media, books, and lottery tickets. I thought you up as my sole savior, release from imprisonment based on these ideals spouted everyday of my life.

Money is evil, greedy, painful, only for others, hard to get, necessary, never enough….

  • “You have to work hard, save your money.
  • Don’t buy what you don’t need.
  • Get the best technology for staying current with the world around you.
  • Climb the corporate ladder!,
  • Build your self and your business through venture capital!
  • Create, be, you are rich! You could be a millionaire…”

The thoughts just repeat, get more ridiculous and sometimes boring.

So, I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to pay my rent, increase my shoe collection and having a vehicle for mobility. Thank you for helping me navigate the world and understand that there is a bar for people to reach. Thank you for setting the standards for rich, poor, wealthy, ghetto, trailer trash, middle class, upper class, silver spoon and industrialized countries.

I am deciding now, that these thought patterns, viewpoints and current ideals no longer serve my life, me or my future. Thank you and have a good day.

Instead; I am embracing a new way of looking at the need to buy and sell items through Amazon or Etsy, on the street corner and through dirty garage sales. I am changing my mind about you, Money, I will no longer bad mouth you, hold you in fear or even curse you. Today I will love you and appreciate you, make a space for you in my life with abundance and enthusiasm!

Today, I will create a world where money flows like rivers from the eternal ocean of treasures. Today I will sit among my family and laugh at the wonderous beauty in something simple. Today I will embrace you, Money with open arms loving the joy you bring through letting go. Today I will share you with everyone because I know what its like without you.

MoneyToday, I am attracting money like the moon attracts the tides upon the shores.

Today, I am rich

Image representing Etsy as depicted in CrunchBase

Image via CrunchBase

beyond any measure by the outside world.

I am now so happy and grateful that money flows into my pockets, my bank accounts, my business with freedom, ease and consistency.

I am free from the idea that there is not enough, today I believe, know and shout to the world:

There is enough Money for everyone.

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Dear Exhaustion

Main health effects of sleep deprivation (See ...

Main health effects of sleep deprivation (See Wikipedia:Sleep deprivation). Model: Mikael Häggström. To discuss image, please see Template talk:Häggström diagrams (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear Exhaustion,

This is not easy for me to say, write and sometimes think about and I am certain that others will think it crazy. Right now you are here, embedded deep in my body and my heart is breaking through the duldroms of your pentrating touch. Tired is simply lack of sleep or time to sleep. Weary is carrying a heavy load. Exhaustion, however is mentally, spiritually and physically worn down to the nub. Raw, shaky, lost, and uncertain. In this mental state I can not feasibly make sound decisions. If I am able to discern the next right action then it is out of the lizard brain otherwise known as survival mode.

Day 4 - So sleepyI am exhausted.

The fancy way of saying it. Here is a list of things that are exhausting:

Personal relationships, at the moment rank at the top of this list, but in reality I am certain there is no order to which is worse or better. These are defined terms and therefore not applicable.

Friends with opinions, insights and caring. Though it may seem as though it is not a weary item, I am beset with wonderful people who care. The burden is listening, talking and sharing. I am at the point of shutting down, completely. So completely that I have no energy to disperse into hearing their wonderful words.

memories, rememberances. Hearing the words I spoke at 23 coming from a Professor discussing the science behind depression and anxiety in Lesbians.

I left the class because I couldn’t handle the range of emotions that surfaced at hearing myself portrayed in a lecture.

thinking; I am sincerely tired of thinking, contemplating and placing in correct order exactly what must be done next, or how it should be done.

Control, I am not able to control anything. It is an illusion, an absolute illusion which others continue to cling to. The kicker is I am clinging to the idea as well. Seeing control in my present day to day activities, past memories and of course in my actions. Control, I am really exhausted with control.

Feeling, I no longer wish to feel the heaviness, pain and worries that are a continual plague on my consciousness.

Pain, discomfort, tension, stress balls… anything in this realm is no lo9nger serving my needs, whether immediate or long term.

fear; this is a many faceted emotion one which i am certain will have it’s own letter. Because in the end writng is my joy, my release and my path to freedom. I hope that others can use what is here but in the end I write for the release of my own prison. Thank you for being apart of my life. Your presence here reminds me of how strong I truly am. Exhaustion you are without a doubt the manifestation of courage and strength. For this I thank you.

I am exhausted because I ahven’t taken the time to repair my own body and mental state.

Exhuastion, you are free to leave now.



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Dazzling, moving and utterly spent… Thank you for sharing!!

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Dear Inner Voice

I am not sure how to say it sometimes but I am deeply grateful for you. I need you in my life and I don’t often remember to listen. You are my rock, the inside of me, my soul if you will, the voice of who I am and where I am going and sometimes a warning in my heart against the onslaught of choices.  It is here I am making amends to you for each time I refused to acknowledge your presence. Every moment I chose to walk against your advice and for each memory that brings me pain because I chose not to honor who I am.

The inner voice is my most precious gift.

Thank you for being apart of me, even when I don’t listen. Thank you for Rockalways walking with me even though I believe I am alone.

I make this promise, one I hope to keep, that always and forever more my inner voice, my higher self, my soul is always my first and last counsel as I travel the journey of life.

You are beautiful.

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From the beginning we, humanity, have walked through amazing events as both individuals and a collective. There are those among us who still hold to old belief systems which create separateness and division, they are still welcome to hold them. I am not willing to repeat the past mistakes of my human brothers and sisters, and so I set out to write  new proposal.

Neale Donald Walsch wrote a book, several in fact, however in one of them he characterized the behavior of humanity in a  simple paragraph. Many religious beliefs hold to some story about the coming of God, whether it be Jesus or Mohammed or even Buddha and many others. The idea is about the second coming of peace to this world through a divine intervention. Although a belief about such an event, in the past, has created opportunity for war, domination and annihilation I believe a new interpretation is perhaps in order. Mind you, I must preëmpt this interpretation with a little clarification. I am not the first person to suggest this idea, nor will I be the last. And under no circumstances am I suggesting this idea is new or the “right” way. Far from the truth, I AM however suggesting that in the dark of the devastation wrought by humanity upon itself we have overlooked another simple idea about unity, peace and second coming.

According to Walsch, many have walked this earth in the past and present who carried a message to people. For some the message was hope, others it was unity, and still others talked about hatred, racisim and even equality. Some of these ideas are still spouted from the mouths of people seeking something only their hearts can describe. It is not a new idea, simply another way to see it through the eyes of your soul. If you are willing to take a peek.

The first idea isthat prophets, whether old or new, have a pattern with humanity. First they come to some sort of ideal and then they share this ideal with another person. The ideal is the message carried by word of mouth, sometimes by book and most recently through visuals like movies. It has also been carried in tune and song and it is this idea or message that captures the attention of those listening, watching and hearing. The recipient will take in the message and feel something, usually a glimmer of hope springs forth and a new charge is brought about. People began to spread the word, sing the song or pass the video along until more people are listening and watching. These people become a movement that shatters whatever cultural norm is in place. The prophet or messeger is loved, revered and sometimes idolized. Then  the next phase of the cycle comes, doubt and fear. Some will speak against the message instilling fear among those not quite sure what to take from the prophet. This fear grows until a mob is created which seeks to destroy the prophet but because we are all human and love is our center; they will first offer the prophet  a chance to recant his message. And if the mob is in power, they may even offer repentence in order to save another’s soul from one of their most common lies, damnation.

This is where the prophet comes to test, if you will, against the will of the people in front of them and there own heart. For courage comes in many shapes and sizes, for some courage is seen on a field where battle rages against a foe. Others see courage as doing the impossible, climbing  a mountain with only one hand or traversing the desert on a horse where only camels have tread. Courage is sometimes fetching a stranded person from danger and in rare instances courage is standing face to face with a friend and telling them no. The prophet is here, standing before those that call themselves the leaders and a host of people who were neighbors, friends and even family.  The messenger can be directed here by only one of two forces, love or fear. If fear wins then the messenger will recant, quiver, beg for mercy or say it was all a joke. But it is when we see Love move in and take up residence when the messenger finds another type of courage.

It is here that we find one person standing against a hoard still repeating the truth of their heart, and here where we see, in our past and present, the fear of humanity drive a stake into the heart of peace. The prophet dies, there in front of everyone gasps the breath of air and blood like a river flows through the heart of the mob. Now most will believe that when a person dies they have won, conquered the foe they perceived before them. Now is when Love becomes even more powerful because at the moment of death we witness the peace in which another has passed away.

What we once feared, we began to love again.

Today is the moment when those who believe in love will outnumber the masses who live in fear. You will see it if you are courageous enough to peek through the veil. And in many forms will it appear, at first just a glance or a chance. You will doubt it at first and then it will happen again and again.

Facebook posts talking about stopping the consumerism. Others taking up arms against the government. A child pierced by a bullet who still speaks about peace among Islamist. The couple standing at the corner of walmart holding a sign that says; Need a Miracle. The sign posted at the corner of Ironwood and Apache Trail that reads: You Matter.

The time is now, when we began to listen to sound of our hearts and ignore the fear mongering of the mind.

Today is the day when we remember Love is stronger.

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Loving yourself before berating another

Times are tough, more and more young people are facing hardships at 20 year of age that were not relevant 20 years ago. The times of today’s economy are not limited to the younger generation either, people in their 30’s, 40’s even my grandparents and parents are walking through difficult choices about medicine, healthcare and long term security.

The truth is what they used to tell us growing up no longer applies and the younger generation knows it, at least they can feel it. What do we do now? Hard work only gets you minimum pay and more hard work. Media propaganda, also known as advertising, is limiting our brains with unnessecary products that either do little or break inside 3 months.

The system itself is set up to fail, see Jacque Fresco and Roxanne Meadow’s manifesto. We need to love ourselves enough to say, “hey this isn’t working and telling you it will work doesn’t change that its just not working for me.”

Maybe then we can seek out solutions for our youth and elderly that doesn’t put them in a box before they are dead.

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The Scavenger Hunt -Flash Fiction

Once a year the scavenger hunt took place, five teams competed for prizes and bragging rights, Sally’s team was due for a win this year.  The Angry Ninja Whore Beavers had come in third place two years ago and last year they missed first place by 500 points.  The rules were simple, one car, minimum of 3 people, photos or tokens were collected for points, and all rulings were final by the judges. Louise, the driver, pulled into a small plaza with a tattoo shop and psychic.

Both of her tasks got the team 750 points if bonuses were added. Sally received a reading from the gypsy for the bonus and got an employee to pose with the stuffed animal for the other. The old woman was dramatic, to say the least.

“You are cursed, child.” the gypsy said suddenly looking at the tarot cards she laid on the old wooden table.

Cursed? She laughed it off marking the item off as her phone buzzed with a text message.

Tattoo Parlor, now! We get a bonus if you get 2 tats.

Sally walked two doors over and walked into the tattoo parlor.

“Quick we only have 45 minutes to get back to base!” Louise said as she took her arm, they ran to the last door on the right. “We have to all get tattooed with the date of the challenge. Bonus if all of us have last years and this year’s dates!” Louise explained. Sally rolled up her sleeve.

Four hours later the detectives walked through the house, seventeen bodies sprawled out everywhere, all of them dead. Sally sat in the living room her hand covering her left arm.

“Sir, there is something you should see.” The detective walked over to Louise’s body and knelt down. “All of them have the same dates tattooed on various parts of their bodies.” The detective walked over to Sally, “Let me see your arm.” Sally stood showing him her left arm.

“It’s different, the others have yesterday’s date, and hers says 2013.” He commented. She looked at the detective, her voice shaking, “I know.” He looked at her, “What does it mean?” Sally wiped her nose with her hand, “It means I get to live another year, Detective. That’s the curse.”

-Rochelle Foulk

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